| forget |
[Aug. 23rd, 2004|07:19 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the i just woke up song | ] |
forget everything you know.....do it...do it now...
i like a girl in england...
i like too many peopel...
she rocks though....i mean...wow
i got a sword....i swing it around....its fun
damn it i want scewers through my arm now....sque3z is too busy to pierce me anymore...:(
its sad...but oh well...
i get the car today....i'm picking up julia and adam...
i hope we get to cuddle.....though i would rather just cuddle with julia than adam....i've cuddled with adam too much for it to mean anything more than it does...
-Zeke |
|
|
| gah |
[Jul. 26th, 2004|06:59 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | stressed/sad/angery | ] |
| [ | music |
| | rammstein - stripped | ] |
trapped
torn
kicked
burned
kissed
raped
held
loved
cut
killed
trapped
of course it gets better...but how do I make it better |
|
|
| paint it red |
[Jul. 21st, 2004|08:39 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  dirty | ] |
| [ | music |
| | aphex twin | ] |
my room is white....
i haven't been able to post for a while since my room was being repainted and i didn't have access to my computer...
actually the whole house was painted....i hate it...
every relationship i have right now....friend..love..whatever....is fucked up...
either they don't like me or i don't like them or they don't like me enough or i don't like them enough
or one of us secretly hates the other and blah blah blah
i don't know what to do...i know its not them...
its me...all me........what would you do if a cat was sitting at your window...staring at you.....a white and brown cat did that to me today...i think it wasn't really a cat..i think it was a girl.....
i was bored...now my arm hurts...
ok so this is the deal....this is my whole love situation as it stands right now....
i am love lynn...lynn loves her boyfriend..
i like tess...tess likes girls...
i like but could love lauren given the chance...but its so hard to find her..she never answers her phone and is always too busy to see me...
all those people who love me i do not.....my curse...
i feel like a tool...and a toy....
lynn said to me that maybe we shouldn't see eachother anymore...cause she thinks it hurts me too much.....she said i would just go through a week of depression and get over her like that.....she said she deosn't want to hurt me.....how can't she see how much not seeing me at all would hurt me...it would kill me....even if i didn't love her.....even if i only liked her it would hurt so much more......if i was inlove with her.....maybe it really would kill me.....i know that if she gave me a chance...insead of her asshole boyfriend....i wouldn't ever want anyone else.....she says she doesn't know if she could love me...she likes older guys....pretty and rich....
lauren thought i was mad at her...she said she wants to see me........it made me happy to hear that...but i can't put much faith in it happening........besides.......i always feel so dumb when i'm with her.......she knows i like her.....and she always acts like she likes me too...at i mean..she doesn't say it....but the way she talks to me.....then i go through month long periods of not hearing from her......which is why i feel dumb......dumb for believing i even have a chance with her...
my arm is starting to really hurt....burn almost....
drip
tonight i am going to cori and wendy's new apt....lynn says she wants to see me.....but i don't believe it....
i saw a ghost today
i need to be loved...or at least make myself believe i am....not by many..just by one person....
god damn it...i've given so much to lynn....we kiss...she's the first person who has made my heart drop with just a kiss.....she is the only one who has turned me on....i'm not mentioning what we've done.....but just know.....she is the first one i have done many things with....and no i don't mean sex....i am a virgin...though i hate being one...i hate my morals..i hate myself...
if one person comments on this...telling me i shouldn't hate myself...or something lame like that....i'm going to be so pissed...you don't even know...but of course i'll never tell them that...
lynn said she has never seen me mad.....i was thinking...i don't think anyone has.....i mean cosima has seen me mad at other people...but none of my friends have ever seen me mad at them.....
my arm....my right arm...is killing me.....
but that means its healing...i guess.....
we can be heros.............but where's mine
-Zeke |
|
|
| hmm |
[Jul. 12th, 2004|11:42 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  curious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | queen | ] |
things really went to shit a few days ago....didn't take meds for a few days.....went through mental as well as physical withdrawls....coupled with some drama......resulted in tears...but it was weird...as bad as it was.....i feel just as good now......i haven't felt this good in a long time....don't stop me now
i took tess to see sque3z yesterday....we are twins for now...she has the same gauge earings as me..and she got her labret done with a spike like me....we both have the same peircings.....and don't by the same piercing...who is amazing i must say....she is asleep in my bed right now......she's cute......she twitches in her sleep...
i feel conflicted though....i like tess...but i also like lynn....lynn has a boyfriend though.....even if i choose to persue her.....i would just get hurt.....
i was cuddling with tess last night....she kissed my hand and we went to sleep.....
-Zeke |
|
|
| spoon |
[Jul. 7th, 2004|07:52 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | pizza | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Zeke - untitled | ] |
i am a monkey...i eat brains and pie...mm pie...
ohhh it is a druid stone...hardly a doomsday weapon
i want a radio telescope....
-Zeke
ps: i'm going out..i'm bored |
|
|
| mer |
[Jul. 5th, 2004|06:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sick | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the sound of my bubbly tummy | ] |
i'm sick
i went to oceanside.....i was really really depressed and pissy and felt really sick so i went home....got yelled at by nicoles mom for it....felt shitty.....
c/h is mad cause i did something stupid.....
it sounds like something else is really bothering her...besides what she said..i don't know what though....
maybe she is just mad at me......i hope we finnish cutting my hair tonight..it looks shitty...
-Zeke
ps: i need a girlfriend |
|
|
| waiting |
[Jun. 30th, 2004|10:22 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | apples | ] |
| [ | music |
| | kittie - run like hell | ] |
come over come over now now now or call me damn you two...
muhahahahahahaha i'm bored and full and ascared of meeting this new person but oh well..i hate selling myself...hope she likes me and i have a new friend or whatever.....anyway...lalala......
kiss me
rape me
love me
burn me
cut me...i had a dream i cut myself last night.....
fun stuff.....
-Zeke |
|
|
| full |
[Jun. 29th, 2004|07:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | indescribable | ] |
| [ | music |
| | sylvie lewis - good company | ] |
i can't decide if i really want to go to sd or not....
i mean...i don't really want to go...but everyone seems to want me there...and if david goes...he might need me....
i need a life......of my own......for a little bit....
i think i should hide away from the world for a little while....so the only drama will be my own.....i'll sleep on the street......probably not for long..just a few days.......
i wonder if anyone thinks i'm serious....cause i am..
-Zeke |
|
|
| muh |
[Jun. 28th, 2004|12:08 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed | ] |
i wonder if i should leave lauren alone...and see if she seeks me....instead of me always seeking her.......but what if she doesn't...and i am left by myself......like an idiot....damn love.....
why is it that guys find me more attractive than girls do..and the girls that i want..never want me......
i feel like shit..... |
|
|
| i swear... |
[Jun. 27th, 2004|11:59 pm] |
blues is soooooooooo much better than jazz
fucking beatnicks......
yes....
everybody wants to get with me..lay with me..love with me
all....right..
-Zeke |
|
|
| sigh |
[Jun. 26th, 2004|09:24 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | sleepy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | none | ] |
damn it..i don't want to make my journal private....but i also don't want certain people reading it..which they are....it makes it so i can't talk about certain things..which sucks...and blahh what should i do....
last night me, nicole, david, and gabi saw napoleon dynamite...they all loved it....i didn't....i was really pissed the whole night...everything that normally wouldn't bother me..really did....
i love purple...i need a girlfriend |
|
|
| pool |
[Jun. 15th, 2004|07:45 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | crappy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | pink floyd - the wall | ] |
pool is fun..i like pool...i used to be good..but now i'm not....fun |
|
|
| bah |
[Jun. 15th, 2004|02:47 pm] |
|
so yea..after feeling like an idiot..i talked to lauren and felt good again....that was yesterday..today wasn't so great.....i feel like shit now and blah.....and to top of my shitty day of loneliness...somebody stole my yearbook.....i don't feel like writing more... |
|
|
| cute |
[Jun. 13th, 2004|04:12 pm] |
i think i'll start posting again...weee
last night was weird..but good....
i started out VERY depressed....kind of in that whole..i don't care if somebody stabs me kind of state...infact..i ended up stabbing myself.....but after i went to a party...cause i'm cool....and to my surprise...hayley was there..i was like ooooo....you see....she is gorgeous...i met her once before....and saw her once before that....for a while i was getting crushes on everyone....including her...then about a week ago i just had a crush on lauren....and after last night....i only have feelings for hayley...i won't if thats good or bad...good if she likes me...bad if she doesn't.....she was leaveing to go home...so i ran out of the house to say goodnight....she said goodnight..i said are you driving..she said yes..i said your wasted....then we kissed.....she left..but came back...then i was dancing in the moonlight...and she said she was leaving again....so i fallowed her like a lost puppy...we kissed goodbye and she started to walk away...so i whimpered....so she came back and we made out for a while...it was amazing..she did this little thing where she would bite my lip and lick it....my leg wouldn't stop shaking whenever she did that.....i miss her.....oh god..why do i always get such strong feelings for people....err....and she doesn't know anything about me...i'm afraid to tell her.....if she likes me now..not knowing the bad.....she may not like me when she does....
wow my heart is all fast right now.....god she's beautiful
-Zeke |
|
|
| mer |
[Dec. 24th, 2003|05:13 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  distressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Raffi | ] |
He chose her over me....
I just can't believe it....
I sit here, remembering how it used to be...
I want that again.....
I miss my sister |
|
|
| hmMmMm |
[Dec. 23rd, 2003|12:59 am] |
|
my first post........yes.....*runs away*.... |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
vmpr666's journal